Brainwashed

But the LORD said to Joshua, “I have given you Jericho . . .” Joshua 6:2a

Finally, I have begun the difficult and lengthy process of making the paradigm shift from defining my value based on how I, or others, judge my behavior/performance to believing that God loves me just because I exist. The New Oxford dictionary defines a paradigm shift as “a fundamental change in approach or underlying assumption.” What I think and believe – my underlying assumptions – about myself affect how I approach life. So if I want to change my perception of myself and how I move through the world, I need to change the foundation on which my thoughts and beliefs are based.

Because I was brainwashed by an abusive father-figure and oppressed by a perfectionistic mother from a very early age, the foundation upon which I based my identity was built on lies and intimidation. I was taught to behave a certain way, to keep secrets and act like I was okay, in order to be worthy of “love” and “acceptance”. This performance-based identity has severely limited my ability to give and receive love. It has also hindered my ability to trust that my Heavenly Father's love for me is pure and unconditional. This faulty foundation has been my personal Wall of Jericho, and no matter how much I wanted the wall to come down, I did not know how to wrap my mind around this new way of thinking. I couldn't grasp it.

I know God wants us to walk by faith and not by sight (2 Cor. 5:7). But when it came to this paradigm shift in how I viewed my identity, I needed something, in addition to the bible, on which to base my faith. I do believe the bible, even with all of its different translations, is the Word of God. But as one of my bible teachers used to say, “Everything in the bible is true, but everything that's true is not in the bible.” So I needed The Father to show me an illustration that hit closer to home, and, like always, He heard my heart's cry and showed me what I needed to see.

One day while sitting quietly at the kitchen table and journaling, I began to think about my husband, Oyama's, relationship to his youngest daughter. Because she lives with us, I have been able to observe their relationship up close. Here is what I know to be true: She knows that even if her daddy is disappointed in her behavior, he loves and favors her. So even if her feelings are hurt by his discipline, she knows he will run to her rescue whenever she needs him. And he will defend her to others even if he is angry with her at the moment. He won't let others talk about his baby-girl.

He values her because she comes from him. She is part of him, and he loves himself, so he loves her. And she values herself because she knows he is her daddy, and he always has her back. He is always going to take care of her and look out for her. Why? Because she came from him. It's that simple; and I know it's true because I see it everyday.

Once I got that picture, it was easier to decide to believe what God's Word says about me and my identity: that I am made in God's image. I am a form of my Father. He values me because I am an extension of Him. I am a unique reflection of Him. I came from Him.

God values me because I am His child, not how well I behave/perform. So I don't have to prove my worth to Him or anyone else. I just have to believe His Word is true for me. That means the necessary paradigm shift, or perhaps in this case, megadigm shift, regarding my identity needs to move from a performance-oriented perspective to a faith-based perspective. Though this does not come naturally for me, I know my Heavenly Father is always here to help me, simply because He loves me.

Peace,

Janet

Published 04/01/2018 by Janet Lyn Boswell, BA, CTRC